Back in September 2012 , the bones of Richard III were unearthed beneath a car park in Leicester. Here is a comic sketch I wrote at the time.
Scene: Opening the mail in Buckingham Palace.
Queen: Philip, one has a letter here from Leicester City Council.
Philip: Leicester? You still have some English subjects there? I thought they were all..
Queen: (cutting Philip off): Behave Philip you know how you upset the Chinese with your “slitty eyed” comment.
Philip: What do the blighters want?
Queen: Apparently, they’ve found the bones of Richard III and want to know whether we want them.
Philip: Richard the third? That’s rhyming slang for
Queen: … disinterred
Philip: Why would we want them? ( Corgis yapping)
Well, the dogs might like them.
Queen: One doesn’t feed ROYAL bones to the corgis.
Philip: Where’d they find them?
Queen: Under a car park, apparently.
Philip: A car park? A car park? How’d he end up there, playing “cache, cache” was he? I hope they don’t expect us to pay the fine.
Queen: No, silly! The Plantagenets didn’t have cars.
Philip: (dramatically): Now is the winter to be buried in cement…
Queen: We should give him a proper burial. Do they have a cathedral in Leicester?
Philip: What amongst all the mosques and Hindu temples?
Queen: Well he can’t be buried at Westminster, he killed two princes…
Philip (whispers): well, there was that small matter about a princess…
Queen: What was that?
Philip: er, nothing dear….