Richard III and Elizabeth II

Back in September 2012 , the bones of Richard III were unearthed beneath a car park in Leicester. Here is a comic sketch I wrote at the time.

Scene: Opening the mail in Buckingham Palace.

Queen: Philip, one has a letter here from Leicester City Council.

Philip: Leicester? You still have some English subjects there? I thought they were all..

Queen: (cutting Philip off): Behave Philip you know how you upset the Chinese with your “slitty eyed” comment.

Philip: What do the blighters want?

Queen: Apparently, they’ve found the bones of Richard III and want to know whether we want them.

Philip: Richard the third? That’s rhyming slang for

Queen: … disinterred

Philip: Why would we want them? ( Corgis yapping)

Well, the dogs might like them.

Queen: One doesn’t feed ROYAL bones to the corgis.

Philip: Where’d they find them?

Queen: Under a car park, apparently.

Philip: A car park? A car park? How’d he end up there, playing “cache, cache” was he? I hope they don’t expect us to pay the fine.

Queen: No, silly! The Plantagenets didn’t have cars.

Philip: (dramatically): Now is the winter to be buried in cement…

Queen: We should give him a proper burial. Do they have a cathedral in Leicester?

Philip: What amongst all the mosques and Hindu temples?

Queen: Well he can’t be buried at Westminster, he killed two princes…

Philip (whispers): well, there was that small matter about a princess…

Queen: What was that?

Philip: er, nothing dear….

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